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Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
24 January, 2012
01 June, 2011
Obama leaves his mark on Ireland
Literally!
In case you hadn't heard, Obama's indestructible, missile-proof, bullet-proof super car, nicknamed the 'Beast', met its match in the form of the ramp outside the US embassy in Dublin. Check the video below to see the beached Beast:
Well, I happen to walk past the very spot it happened every day, so I took some photos (click to enlarge)...
And a close up of Obama's mark...
Ha ha!!
23 April, 2011
20 April, 2011
Terminator vs Marty McFly
Where were you at precisely 8.11pm last night?
At home?
Dining out?
Running for a bus?
Wherever it was, remember it, because that's where you were the exact moment when the missile-controlling computer network Skynet became self aware, thus heralding the end of human civilisation as we know it. That's right. Arnie-shaped Terminators and other gloopy shape-shifting bad guys are gonna be all over the place soon, so watch out.
On the plus side, it's only 1,635 days until Sunday, 11 October 2015, when Marty McFly will arrive and take all the Terminators down in a hilarious scenario involving hoverboards and a big pile of excrement. Join the party here!
14 February, 2011
Ireland's economic problems - explained in an Irish way
Mary is the proprietor of a bar in Dublin. She realises that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronise her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around about Mary's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Mary's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Dublin. By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Mary gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Mary's gross sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognises that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Mary's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets.
Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses. One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Mary's bar. He so informs Mary.
Mary then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Mary cannot fulfil her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs. Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks' liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.
The suppliers of Mary's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations. Her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.
Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a € multi-billion, no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bail out are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Mary's bar.
Now, do you understand the Irish economic situation in 2011?
[Not an original - source unknown]
05 February, 2011
We like our horses, so we do...
Take a few minutes to watch these two videos. Both are from Limerick in Ireland, both involve horses/donkeys, and IMHO both are bloody hilarious...
Warning: If swearing offends you, don't watch the second one - you've been warned!
04 February, 2011
11 November, 2010
Black Magic Fail
In 2008, an Indian man called Sanal Edamaruku agreed for a famous tantra master to try and kill him with 'black magic' on live TV. The event was apparently watched by millions of people in India, many of whom live in fear of this type of black magic. Scheduled programs were dropped to allow for the live pictures to beamed across the country. As described by Edamaruku:
He boasted that he was able to kill anyone by mantra and tantra within three minutes. I grabbed my chance to put him in check and offered myself for a test. Caught on air, he couldn't escape without losing face – and his high-profile clientele. So our unprecedented experiment began.
As you can see, the tantrik tries lots of different methods and Edamaruku just stands there and laughs...
Following the failure to kill his volunteer, the tantrik suggests that he is invoking a god to protect himself. Edamaruku just laughs this suggestion off and explains that he is an atheist. The tantrik, clearly grasping at straws at this stage, claims that the black magic must be done at night, and so Edamaruku calls his bluff and offers his services again...that very night.
With no way to escape, he upped the stakes and agreed to perform the "ultimate destruction ceremony" that would kill me dead sure. With ratings soaring, the programme overran, rolling on and on in "breaking news" mode. The channel announced another round of our epic battle for the night show.
Not surprisingly, the black magic had NO effect whatsoever. Most importantly, millions of people saw that a superstition they had grown up believing to be true was actually a load of nonsense.
Part of the success of this event was the fact that the tantrik clearly believed in his abilities and so agreed to demonstrate them on live TV. Unfortunately, most practitioners of pseudoscience are less eager to directly test their claims in such a mainstream way (although a few have tried, and failed). Perhaps they know if they did so, the results would be similar to the above.
28 October, 2010
Religious intolerance rife in the USA
This cannot go on. Shame on all you non-Christian Americans. I imagine the Buddhists are particularly oppressive.
08 October, 2010
Spammers are getting plain lazy
I've posted before about those email scammers who try to convince you that you've won some lottery you never entered or need your help getting large sums of money out of a central African country. You know what the email usually entails, a convoluted story and a plea for help.
Well, it seems they are getting lazy. Check this one out that just came into our work email address:
Re: FUNDS FOR YOU
I am Mrs Stella Ethan, a Christian. I have picked you for an inheritance, Everything is available. Please contact me for more details. Private contact email: mrs.stallaethan@jpwind.com
They're just not putting the same effort in these days, huh?
05 October, 2010
Flight of the Conchords Yo!
Just found this live show filmed in Amoeba Records in New York...
Here are a few of my favourite FOTC tracks:
24 September, 2010
The Atheist's Nightmares!!!
Apparently.
By the way, I'm sure you've all seen these before but in case you haven't, the above videos are for realz. Yep.
The only possible response:
18 September, 2010
I expect you to die!
Saw this over at SMRT and laughed. Lots.
"You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby."
(Hat-tip to Quasar at SMRT)
13 September, 2010
If Facebook had always existed
In the beginning...
5,600 years later...
249 years later...
[More here]
05 August, 2010
Global warming denier fail
Or climate change, whatever you want to call it...
I don't get the attitude of the deniers - those that reject the notion that humans are contributing to the warming of the planet. Even if you don't accept this fact, fine, but it is still clear that the planet is warming, so quit moaning and lets all work together and do everything we can to slow this down, or at least adapt to it.
Even if we have no power to change the warming of the planet, it is still a good idea to cut back in our use of fossil fuels (a diminishing resource), increase recycling, reduce waste and become generally more efficient. Doing so is a win-win situation, regardless of whether humans contribute to climate change.
Global warming deniers remind me of people who claim that there is no point wearing a bicycle helmet, because if a car hits you at 50 mph you'll die anyway. Stupid logic. What if you are involved in a low-speed accident? That helmet might just save your life.
Wearing a helmet is like reacting positively to climate change. In the worst case scenario, it'll make no difference, sure. But it's worth doing anyway for basic survival purposes.
The point is made nicely by this cartoon...
29 July, 2010
Conditioning
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.
And that, my friends, is how a company policy begins!!
[This is old, I know, but I like it. I have no idea who the original author is...]
03 May, 2010
16 April, 2010
God FAQ
After many centuries of inquiry, countless publications and debates, and untold suffering and conflict, a combined effort spanning multiple disciplines has come up with a pertinent Frequently Asked Questions list about God.
Marvel at the results...
http://www.officialgodfaq.com/
13 March, 2010
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